eccentricities of the family

Bro: jie, you know the BFG, as in Big Friendly Giant? Well yeah, here's BHG! it stands for... uhh. Big Happy Giant.
[there was a whole preamble to it but thats the main gist]
Me: yes, dear, it does.
Bro (in that pottery way of his): Big Horrible Giant, Big Helpful Giant, Big Homeless Giant, Big Hoppy Giant... Big H____ Giant.

...

...

PAUSE

...

...

My eyes could have popped and goggled all they wanted, but it wouldn't hide the fact that he'd called the giant 'Horny'.

It was followed up by none other than... Hot.

[i found out only later that his idea of horny meant literally horny. like the horny bull. hot meant the hot kettle.]

--

That very night...
Mummy: oh oh! look at the lizard! see it's in the kiwi basket.. yeah that one! no no there... it's licking the kiwi!
Daddy: AAARGHHH. it's licking the kiwi!
Mummy: aww, it's so cute. look at that tongue...
Daddy: no it's not, it's licking my kiwi. are we going to eat it later?
Mummy: yes we are
Daddy: no im not. not after it's touched it.
Mummy: he.
Daddy: it. (picks up newspaper to end its/his short sweet life)
Mummy: nononono!! come, nin, help catch it and throw it out of the window, okay?
(my saintly maid approaches the basket armed with a plastic bag and begins to vacate it one by one, probing around for the subject in question)
(mummy looks on endearingly) -- maternal instincts, i should think.
(daddy stomps upstairs with all the dignity he has left)

a few days later i come in.
a tiny bowl of honey had been laid out for the lizard; it/he was helping himself most generously to it; mummy was trying to take photos.

--