"kick the bucket" tours (KTBT)

Good morning venerable sirs and ma’ams. I represent ‘Kick the Bucket’ tour agency. Our mission in business is to help decrepit and senile octogenarians like you kick the bucket with joy in your hearts and smiles on your faces. Face it, your present realities are sad and dismal. You are hearing-impaired, sight-impaired doddering old fools and your kids don’t care a heck what happens to you. You will most probably die a boring death in your beds, alone, in pain and unsatisfied and you will ask yourself what you have done in your entire unfulfilled life that’s made it worthwhile.

However, there is an alternative option. Our package tour will guarantee that you go in a jiffy, in a rush of adrenaline and heightened sensations.

Main highlights of the one-week trip to Singapore include the Luge, which will see you zipping down a 65 metres downhill track in gravity-propelled three-wheel carts and we shall hope that you die. We will send you up the G-MAX Reverse Bungy jump, to be launched skywards at 200km per hour to a dazzling height of 60 metres and hope that you die. We will fly you 100 metres across the Singapore river in the GX-5 and hope that you die. We will pull you along with an overhead cable as you grammy out wakeboard, water ski, surf and kneeboard acrobatics at 58 km/h for all to see and hope that you die. It’s the thrills with the spills.

For a mere ten thousand dollars, we offer you the chance to recapture your youth. We offer you the chance to be happy. We offer you the chance to die happy. We offer you the chance of a lifetime.

Join us now and kick the bucket. You will not live to regret it.